As an empath, you’ve probably found yourself in situations where setting boundaries feels like you’re walking a tightrope, trying to avoid tipping into the territory of selfishness. I remember a time when I was so focused on helping everyone around me that I almost forgot to look after my own well-being. It wasn’t until I started feeling completely drained that I realized something had to change.
But here’s the thing—setting boundaries isn’t about shutting people out; it’s about preserving your energy so you can continue to be the caring, supportive person you naturally are.
If the idea of setting boundaries makes you cringe because it feels like you’re betraying your empathic nature, you’re not alone. The good news? Boundaries aren’t just essential for protecting yourself—they’re key to maintaining healthy relationships, too.
Let’s explore how you can set strong boundaries without feeling like you’re being selfish.
Why Boundaries Matter for Empaths
The Emotional Toll of Boundary-Less Living
As an empath, you naturally absorb the emotions of others. This can be a beautiful gift, but it can also be downright exhausting. Without boundaries, you risk emotional burnout, and let’s be real—burnout isn’t cute on anyone.
Imagine you’re a sponge. When you soak up too much water (read: emotions), you’re left heavy, soggy, and unable to function properly. Boundaries are like the gentle squeeze that lets you release some of that excess water, allowing you to continue being your wonderful, empathic self.
Protecting Your Relationships
Setting boundaries isn’t just about saying “no” to others; it’s about saying “yes” to the relationship. It might sound counterintuitive, but by setting clear boundaries, you’re actually preventing resentment from building up. When you constantly give without taking yourself into account, you're bound to feel drained and maybe even a little bitter. And no one wants to be around a bitter empath.
I once had to set a boundary with a close friend who constantly vented about her problems. While I genuinely wanted to be there for her, it got to the point where every conversation left me feeling emotionally wiped out. By gently setting a boundary—limiting the time spent on problem talk and shifting to more positive subjects—I was able to maintain the friendship without losing my sanity.
Is It Assertiveness or Selfishness?
Redefining Assertiveness for Empaths
Let’s clear this up right now: assertiveness is not the same as selfishness. Assertiveness is about standing up for your needs in a way that respects both yourself and others. It’s saying, “Hey, I matter too!” without trampling on anyone else’s feelings.
For empaths, assertiveness can feel uncomfortable, but it’s a skill worth developing. Start by practicing small acts of assertiveness—like politely declining an invitation when you’re too tired to go out. It might feel awkward at first, but over time, it becomes easier.
Signs You’re Being Assertive, Not Selfish
- You Communicate Clearly: Assertiveness means expressing your needs and boundaries in a way that’s honest but not hurtful.
- You Respect Others’ Boundaries: Just as you’re setting boundaries, you also honor those set by others.
- You Feel Empowered, Not Guilty: When you’re assertive, you should feel a sense of empowerment, not guilt. If you’re constantly feeling guilty, you might be confusing assertiveness with selfishness.
How to Set Strong Boundaries (Without Feeling Like a Jerk)
Start Small
If setting boundaries feels daunting, start with something small. For example, if you’re always the one to pick up the slack at work, try setting a boundary by only taking on what’s manageable. It’s okay to say, “I can’t take on that extra project right now.” Practice makes perfect, and starting small can help build your confidence.
Use “I” Statements
When setting boundaries, frame your needs with “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory. Instead of saying, “You’re always dumping your problems on me,” try, “I need some time to recharge, so I can’t always be available to listen.” This way, you’re expressing your needs without making the other person feel attacked.
Practice Self-Compassion
Empaths are often their own worst critics. You might set a boundary and then immediately question if you were too harsh. Remember that setting boundaries is a form of self-care, not selfishness. Be kind to yourself, and recognize that it’s okay to prioritize your well-being.
Know When to Stand Firm
Some people may test your boundaries, especially if they’re used to you being a constant source of support. Stand firm in your boundaries without feeling the need to justify or explain yourself. It’s okay to say, “I’m not available for that,” and leave it at that.
Embracing the Power of Boundaries
Setting boundaries as an empath isn’t just a survival skill—it’s a superpower. It allows you to continue giving to others without depleting yourself. Remember, assertiveness is about self-respect, not selfishness. By setting strong boundaries, you’re creating a space where both you and your relationships can thrive.
So the next time you feel that familiar twinge of guilt when setting a boundary, remind yourself: You’re not being selfish, you’re being self-caring. And that’s something every empath deserves.
Now, go ahead and set those boundaries with confidence. You’ve got this!
Alan is the founder of Subconscious Servant. He has a passion for learning about topics such as spirituality and the metaphysical world. The thing he loves to explore most though is manifesting with the law of attraction ✨.