{"id":236342,"date":"2023-12-12T18:24:45","date_gmt":"2023-12-12T17:24:45","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/positiveaffirmationscenter.com\/?p=236342"},"modified":"2026-07-16T13:34:49","modified_gmt":"2026-07-16T11:34:49","slug":"what-is-toxic-positivity","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/positiveaffirmationscenter.com\/what-is-toxic-positivity\/","title":{"rendered":"What Is Toxic Positivity? Understanding the Harm Behind Forced Optimism"},"content":{"rendered":"<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Have you ever been told to \u201cjust stay positive\u201d when you\u2019re clearly not okay?<\/strong><br \/>We\u2019ve all heard it\u2014those well-meaning phrases like \u201clook on the bright side\u201d or \u201cgood vibes only\u201d that dismiss real struggles. But what happens when positivity becomes a weapon instead of a comfort? Let\u2019s dive into&nbsp;<strong>what toxic positivity is<\/strong>, why it\u2019s more damaging than helpful, and how to recognize it in everyday life.<\/p>\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Key Takeaways<\/strong><\/h2>\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><strong>Toxic positivity definition<\/strong>: insisting on optimism regardless of how genuinely difficult a situation is, which dismisses or suppresses real negative emotions instead of making room for them.<\/li>\n<li>It shows up in grief, in crises, in workplaces, and in \u201cgood vibes only\u201d social circles\u2014often disguised as support or encouragement.<\/li>\n<li>The harm is specific: it invalidates real feelings, increases isolation and shame, and blocks the honest emotional processing that actual healing requires.<\/li>\n<li>Genuine support validates feelings first and offers hope second. Toxic positivity skips straight to a forced silver lining and calls that skipping \u201chelp.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Let\u2019s get real: Life isn\u2019t always rainbows and sunshine. Pretending otherwise doesn\u2019t just feel fake\u2014it can harm your mental <a class=\"wpil_keyword_link\" href=\"https:\/\/positiveaffirmationscenter.com\/positive-affirmations-for-health\/\"   title=\"health\" data-wpil-keyword-link=\"linked\">health<\/a>. So why do we keep bottling up pain with phrases like \u201cit could be worse\u201d? Buckle up; we\u2019re unpacking the hidden dangers of&nbsp;<strong>toxic positivity<\/strong>&nbsp;and how to replace it with something better.<\/p>\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>What Is Toxic Positivity? Breaking Down the Buzzword<\/strong><\/h2>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Toxic positivity<\/strong> is the belief\u2014or the insistence\u2014that a person should maintain a positive mindset no matter how genuinely hard their circumstances are. It isn\u2019t optimism. Optimism is a lens you choose to look through while still seeing what\u2019s actually there. Toxic positivity is a demand that you stop seeing what\u2019s there at all. It treats difficult emotions as a problem to be corrected rather than information to be understood, and it treats the person expressing them as the one who needs fixing.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The word \u201ctoxic\u201d matters here, because the issue isn\u2019t positivity itself. Hope, encouragement, and a hopeful outlook can be genuinely useful, even protective, during hard times. What makes a positive message toxic is timing and function: it arrives before anyone has acknowledged what actually happened, and its real job is to end the conversation about the difficult feeling rather than to sit with it.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Imagine telling someone grieving, \u201cEverything happens for a reason!\u201d The intent is usually kind. But the effect is that the grieving person\u2019s pain has just been reframed as a lesson, a silver lining, something they should already be making peace with. That\u2019s <strong>toxic positivity in action<\/strong>: it silences a valid emotional response and leaves the person feeling like they\u2019re failing at grief by continuing to feel it.<\/p>\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>What Toxic Positivity Actually Sounds Like<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It rarely announces itself. It usually sounds like care. That\u2019s part of what makes it hard to name in the moment\u2014and easy to justify afterward if someone pushes back. A few common versions:<\/p>\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><strong>In grief<\/strong>: \u201cEverything happens for a reason,\u201d or \u201cAt least they\u2019re not suffering anymore,\u201d said to someone who is still very much suffering themselves.<\/li>\n<li><strong>In a real crisis<\/strong>: \u201cJust stay positive!\u201d aimed at someone facing a layoff, a diagnosis, or a financial emergency\u2014as if attitude alone can resolve a structural problem.<\/li>\n<li><strong>In \u201cgood vibes only\u201d spaces<\/strong>: environments, online or in person, where expressing a genuine struggle gets you a lecture about \u201clow vibrations\u201d or quietly gets you excluded from the group.<\/li>\n<li><strong>In everyday conversation<\/strong>: \u201cStop complaining\u2014others have it worse,\u201d which doesn\u2019t comfort anyone; it just teaches people to stop talking.<\/li>\n<li><strong>In parenting and relationships<\/strong>: \u201cHappiness is a choice, choose it,\u201d said to a child or partner who is being asked to override a real, valid emotional response on command.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Notice what all of these have in common: none of them ask a single question about what actually happened. They move straight to the fix, or the moral, or the comparison\u2014without ever pausing to hear the person out.<\/p>\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Why Toxic Positivity Is Genuinely Harmful<\/strong><\/h2>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It\u2019s tempting to file this under \u201cannoying but harmless.\u201d It isn\u2019t. Toxic positivity does real damage in a few specific, well-understood ways.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">First, it <strong>invalidates real feelings<\/strong>. When someone\u2019s pain is met with a forced silver lining, the message they receive isn\u2019t \u201cyou\u2019ll be okay\u201d\u2014it\u2019s \u201cyour reaction is wrong.\u201d Over time, that message teaches people to distrust their own emotional responses, which is a strange and quietly corrosive thing to do to a person who is already struggling.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Second, it <strong>increases isolation and shame<\/strong>. If every attempt to be honest about a <a class=\"wpil_keyword_link\" href=\"https:\/\/positiveaffirmationscenter.com\/affirmations-for-hard-times\/\"   title=\"hard time\" data-wpil-keyword-link=\"linked\">hard time<\/a> is met with \u201cgood vibes only,\u201d people learn fast that honesty isn\u2019t welcome. They stop bringing their real struggles to the people around them\u2014not because the struggles went away, but because sharing them stopped <a class=\"wpil_keyword_link\" href=\"https:\/\/positiveaffirmationscenter.com\/affirmations-for-feeling-safe\/\"   title=\"feeling safe\" data-wpil-keyword-link=\"linked\">feeling safe<\/a>. That\u2019s how someone can be surrounded by people and still feel completely alone with what they\u2019re carrying.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Third, it <strong>prevents honest emotional processing<\/strong>. Difficult emotions don\u2019t resolve because you\u2019ve been told to skip past them; they resolve because you\u2019ve actually felt them, named them, and worked through what they\u2019re pointing to. Toxic positivity short-circuits that process. It asks people to perform being fine, which is a very different thing from being fine\u2014and performance takes energy that honest processing never would have needed in the first place.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">This shows up outside of one-on-one conversations, too. In a workplace built around \u201cno negativity\u201d rules, people stop raising real concerns, and problems that could have been solved early get buried instead\u2014usually to be discovered later, at a worse time, in a worse form. Employees who learn that voicing a concern gets treated as a morale problem tend to stop voicing anything at all, which quietly erodes both trust in leadership and the flow of information a team actually needs to function. In families, it can look like avoiding a hard conversation to \u201ckeep the <a class=\"wpil_keyword_link\" href=\"https:\/\/positiveaffirmationscenter.com\/positive-affirmations-for-peace\/\"   title=\"peace\" data-wpil-keyword-link=\"linked\">peace<\/a>,\u201d which keeps the surface calm while the actual issue goes untouched underneath it.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">There\u2019s also a spiritual variant worth naming: phrases like \u201ceverything is happening for your highest good\u201d or \u201cthis was meant to teach you something,\u201d offered to someone in acute pain. Sometimes called spiritual bypassing, this uses the language of growth or faith to skip past the actual feeling rather than move through it. It can feel comforting to the person saying it and isolating to the person hearing it, especially if they\u2019re not in a place to receive a lesson\u2014they\u2019re just in pain, and that\u2019s allowed to be enough on its own.<\/p>\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Genuine Support vs. Toxic Positivity: The Honest Distinction<\/strong><\/h2>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The line between the two isn\u2019t whether hope is present. It\u2019s whether the hope comes <em>after<\/em> the feeling has been acknowledged, or instead of it. Genuine support validates first, then offers whatever comfort or encouragement makes sense. Toxic positivity skips the first step entirely and calls the skip \u201cstaying positive.\u201d<\/p>\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Toxic: \u201cDon\u2019t cry\u2014stay strong.\u201d<\/li>\n<li>Genuine: \u201cIt\u2019s okay to cry. I\u2019m here. How can I support you?\u201d<\/li>\n<li>Toxic: \u201cEverything happens for a reason.\u201d<\/li>\n<li>Genuine: \u201cThis is genuinely awful, and I\u2019m so sorry you\u2019re going through it.\u201d<\/li>\n<li>Toxic: \u201cGood vibes only\u2014leave the negativity at the door.\u201d<\/li>\n<li>Genuine: \u201cThis sucks. Let\u2019s talk about it, and then let\u2019s figure out what might help.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The difference is order and honesty, not the presence or absence of optimism. Real support doesn\u2019t require you to abandon hope\u2014it just asks you to earn the right to offer it by actually listening first. That\u2019s also the difference between <a class=\"wpil_keyword_link\" href=\"https:\/\/positiveaffirmationscenter.com\/affirmations-for-finding-hope\/\"   title=\"hope\" data-wpil-keyword-link=\"linked\">hope<\/a> that helps and hope that\u2019s being used to shut a conversation down: hope that helps makes room for <a class=\"wpil_keyword_link\" href=\"https:\/\/positiveaffirmationscenter.com\/affirmations-for-grief\/\"   title=\"grief\" data-wpil-keyword-link=\"linked\">grief<\/a>, frustration, and fear to exist alongside it, instead of demanding they leave first.<\/p>\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>How to Respond to Toxic Positivity\u2014In Yourself and Others<\/strong><\/h2>\n<ol start=\"1\" class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><strong>Name the emotion honestly.<\/strong> Instead of the reflexive \u201cI\u2019m fine,\u201d try \u201cI\u2019m frustrated, and that\u2019s valid.\u201d Naming a feeling accurately is the first step in actually working through it, rather than just suppressing it more efficiently.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Listen without rushing to fix.<\/strong> When someone shares something hard, the most useful thing you can usually offer isn\u2019t a solution\u2014it\u2019s attention. Ask what they need before assuming they need advice or cheering up.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Question the clich\u00e9s before you reach for them.<\/strong> If a phrase would sound hollow if someone said it to you in your worst moment, it probably won\u2019t land any better coming from you. Replace \u201cgood vibes only\u201d with something closer to \u201cthis is hard, and I\u2019m glad you told me.\u201d<\/li>\n<li><strong>Set boundaries when your feelings get dismissed.<\/strong> You\u2019re allowed to say, \u201cI don\u2019t need this reframed right now\u2014I just need to process it honestly.\u201d Protecting your own <a class=\"wpil_keyword_link\" href=\"https:\/\/positiveaffirmationscenter.com\/affirmations-for-boundaries\/\"   title=\"boundaries\" data-wpil-keyword-link=\"linked\">boundaries<\/a> around how your feelings get received is not the same as being negative.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">In workplaces, the same principle scales up: <a class=\"wpil_keyword_link\" href=\"https:\/\/positiveaffirmationscenter.com\/positive-affirmations-for-leaders\/\"   title=\"leaders\" data-wpil-keyword-link=\"linked\">leaders<\/a> who actually want honest teams have to make room for critical feedback instead of labeling it pessimism, and treat stress as a signal that a system needs attention rather than a mood that needs correcting.<\/p>\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>A Note on How We Try to Handle This Here<\/strong><\/h2>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It\u2019s worth being direct about something: a site built around affirmations and positive thinking is exactly the kind of place where toxic positivity can creep in if we\u2019re not careful. An affirmation that tells you to simply \u201cchoose happiness\u201d while ignoring a genuinely hard circumstance isn\u2019t encouragement\u2014it\u2019s the same dismissal described throughout this article, just dressed in nicer language. We try to write affirmations and guidance that acknowledge reality first, including difficult emotions like uncertainty, grief, and stress, rather than papering over them. That\u2019s also why this article exists: it\u2019s meant to be the honest explainer other posts on this site can point back to, so that \u201cpositive\u201d never quietly comes to mean \u201cin denial.\u201d<\/p>\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Final Thoughts: Embrace Realness, Not Forced Smiles<\/strong><\/h2>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Life is messy. Pretending otherwise doesn\u2019t make us stronger\u2014it makes us lonelier.&nbsp;<strong>Understanding toxic positivity<\/strong>&nbsp;isn\u2019t about banning optimism; it\u2019s about balancing hope with <a class=\"wpil_keyword_link\" href=\"https:\/\/positiveaffirmationscenter.com\/honesty-affirmations\/\"   title=\"honesty\" data-wpil-keyword-link=\"linked\">honesty<\/a>. Suppressing real emotion can take a toll not just on your mood but on your physical <a class=\"wpil_keyword_link\" href=\"https:\/\/positiveaffirmationscenter.com\/physical-health-affirmations\/\"   title=\"physical health\" data-wpil-keyword-link=\"linked\">physical health<\/a> over time, which is one more reason honest processing beats forced cheer. So next time someone says, \u201cJust stay positive,\u201d ask yourself:&nbsp;<em>Is this helping, or just hiding the problem?<\/em><\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Let\u2019s ditch the toxic scripts and build connections that honor&nbsp;<em>all<\/em>&nbsp;emotions\u2014not just the Instagrammable ones. After all, real growth starts when we stop pretending and start healing.<\/p>\n<style>\r\n\r\n        .lwrp.link-whisper-related-posts{\r\n            \r\n            margin-top: 40px;\nmargin-bottom: 30px;\r\n        }\r\n        .lwrp .lwrp-title{\r\n            \r\n            \r\n        }\r\n        .lwrp .lwrp-description{\r\n            \r\n            \r\n\r\n        }\r\n        .lwrp .lwrp-list-container{\r\n        }\r\n        .lwrp .lwrp-list-multi-container{\r\n            display: flex;\r\n        }\r\n        .lwrp .lwrp-list-double{\r\n            width: 48%;\r\n        }\r\n        .lwrp .lwrp-list-triple{\r\n            width: 32%;\r\n        }\r\n        .lwrp .lwrp-list-row-container{\r\n            display: flex;\r\n            justify-content: space-between;\r\n        }\r\n        .lwrp .lwrp-list-row-container .lwrp-list-item{\r\n            width: calc(25% - 20px);\r\n        }\r\n        .lwrp .lwrp-list-item:not(.lwrp-no-posts-message-item){\r\n            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like&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":236343,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"googlesitekit_rrm_CAowoq2_DA:productID":"","ai_generated_summary":"","_kadence_starter_templates_imported_post":false,"_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"_kad_post_classname":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[1393],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-236342","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-motivation"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/positiveaffirmationscenter.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/236342","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/positiveaffirmationscenter.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/positiveaffirmationscenter.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/positiveaffirmationscenter.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/positiveaffirmationscenter.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=236342"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/positiveaffirmationscenter.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/236342\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":256277,"href":"https:\/\/positiveaffirmationscenter.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/236342\/revisions\/256277"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/positiveaffirmationscenter.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/236343"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/positiveaffirmationscenter.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=236342"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/positiveaffirmationscenter.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=236342"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/positiveaffirmationscenter.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=236342"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}