Learning from Life – column name
Looking at a sea of faces in an auditorium or stadium, I am many times reminded of the seeds of the pomegranate fruit arranged in rows and bunches on a central core. These seeds are the same in taste and texture but no two seeds share the same facets. People are also the same. We humans go through the same travails and joys of life, grief, pleasure, sorrow, pain, happiness, suffering, despair, triumph, dejection…yet we are all different from one another. Like the seeds of the pomegranate, we are also deeply embedded in this world and its multifarious challenges. We share the existential dilemma and the mysteries of the universe along with the vagaries of nature. What if we were to keep only our similarities in mind and then reach out to one another?
Reach out is such a short expression of two syllables but contains a vast depth of meaning and implication. Many a time, just a small chat and an attentive listener work wonders when a person is in distress. Counsellors and psychologists are quite cryptic with words but they are sympathetic listeners who allow people to give vent to their emotion. While every person can not be as attentive, perhaps one can learn to be a good listener. Society trains humans to be reactive, hence most of us are quick on the uptake and ready with a rebuttal anytime someone addresses us. If the time is taken to understand what someone is saying, a lot of healing would take place and bitter arguments could be nipped in the bud.
The dilemma between selfhood and humanhood forms the crux of many works of literature. Where Ayn Rand extolls selfishness as a virtue, especially when individuality is looked down upon as a vice, John Donne writes:
‘No man is an island,
Entire of itself;
Every man is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.’
During lectures on professional communication, students are taught the seven Cs of communication – clear, correct, coherent, concise, courteous, complete and concrete. These are the dos of effective communication. One wishes one could add two do nots as well – conflict and confrontation. While it is true that professional communication and personal communication are perceived as distinct entities, there is some spill over in terms of demeanour from one to the other by communicators. Making conflict and confrontation undesirables would definitely encourage communicators to be receptive and proactive.
Once the whole paradigm of aggression stands demarcated as undesirable, there can be found spaces for togetherness in terms of a shared human destiny. Avoiding conflict and harsh words is not that difficult once a consciousness of common dilemma and life process has been actively developed and encouraged. In the same poem, Donne goes on to write:
‘Any man’s death diminishes me,
Because I am involved in mankind.
And therefore, never send to know for whom the bell tolls; It tolls for thee.’
The celebrated actor Rajnikanth worked as a porter and a carpenter before he reached the film industry. One of his co-workers helped him pay for drama classes. Today, Rajnikanth spends half his earnings on charity. Reaching out can take many forms, word and action can work together or separately, as per individual choice – the prerogative of each human being.
“The desire to reach for the stars is ambitious. The desire to reach hearts is wise”, wrote Maya Angelou. Ambition and/or wisdom?
The author is a Professor at the Department of English and Cultural Studies at Panjab University,Chandigarh.