“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” This was not said a zillion years ago, but rather discovered by me after my world was hit by the meteorite of misfortune and adverse trials. Hitting rock bottom with no way to fall further, my quest for my spiritual journey began. I realized I am more than just a human and recognized my failure in solely being human. Being human did not feel like enough, as I lacked the capability to handle what life was throwing at me.
I was never too religious or too spiritual, but people around me always thought of me as someone who was patient and grounded, even in tough times. But I can’t take credit for any of the virtues they saw in me. In all honesty, I had no clue whether it was a choice or if I had no option but to be patient and remain grounded. Although, as far as I remember, I did have bouts of short-temperedness and arrogance, but those were hidden beneath a cloak of calmness and composure. It was only when I was at my lowest point in life, where each day was a battle with circumstances and with people creating those circumstances, which I realized I needed to fight back. I needed to go in with full force and raise a war, because battles were not decisive. They were exhausting and never-ending. To my surprise and dismay, I did raise a war, but it was against me. I needed to destroy the person who appeared patient but was filled with anger, the person who seemed calm but was judgmental, and the person who remained composed but was waiting to snap at the first sign of conflict. This is still a constant war, sometimes an easy win, and other times a constant struggle until victory is achieved.
Life teaches you to be a defensive player, always striking before others can strike you. Playing defensively in life is more reactive than protective and often leaves you feeling tired, exhausted, and drained. It’s easy to feel resentful towards everything, including oneself. More than people and circumstances, I felt I was defeated by my own emotions.
Our emotions are not linear; they work in spirals, creating a vicious circle of overthinking and assumptions. These assumptions become illusions we believe to be reality, and before we know it, we become trapped.
I wasn’t awake when I saw the reflection of the defeated person in the mirror. I didn’t like what I saw. This was not who I wanted to be. I didn’t want to be someone consumed by anger, grudges, complaints, and disappointments. I had a choice to make in the face of this resentment towards myself: give up or refuse to give in. The choice was clear; I refused to give in and embarked on a journey of self-discovery as a spiritual being and the experiences I needed to enrich my soul.After encountering a few stumbling blocks and exploring spiritual practices, the first piece of sane advice I received was to declare a ceasefire with everyone, especially with myself. I needed to take a pause, step away from my immediate reality, and take a deep breath to understand what I truly needed in life and what outcome I desired after all the conflicts I had created. This was my awakening moment, where I accepted that life cannot drive me; I needed to take charge of my own life.
Life has a way of teaching us lessons, and I became a student of life. When we are ready, the teacher appears. I hoped it was the right one, and for me, it was through reading and practicing Buddhism that the doors of transformation opened. However, there is no one-stop shop for spiritual practice, and there is no one right way or guaranteed path to enlightenment. There is also no specific time to begin. Listen to your heart, and whatever spiritual path you choose, make sure to make time for self-reflection. It is an important tool for introspection and needs to be done consciously.
Life is undoubtedly a journey with no end, only new beginnings. Every day is a learning experience, and every moment is an awakening. All we need to do is make conscious choices.
Dr Navita Sandhu, LL.M., Ph.D., is a well-known educator having vast experience. She is also a motivational speaker and a child and parent counsellor. Presently she is working as a life coach. She has authored various articles and published her papers in renowned law journals.
