Forgiveness and reconciliation, whether in personal life, relationships, or on a larger scale in politics and conflicts, are important for healing, moving forward, and fostering understanding.
But when and how can we forgive? To be able to forgive someone, we need to first understand their concerns. That calls for empathy. If we function with the conviction that we are right and the other person is wrong and it is they who need to change, then forgiveness will not be possible.
The golden rule of ethics says, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Everyone likes to have the best for themselves, and when we make our own self the benchmark for how we treat others, we learn to empathise and respect other people. Putting ourselves in their shoes and trying to see things from their perspective helps us develop some appreciation of the other person’s point of view.
However, a critical attitude often comes in the way. We are quick to notice other people’s faults and slow to acknowledge their good qualities. This vitiates our feelings towards them, blocking real understanding and forgiveness. If there are even subtle negative feelings, they act as an invisible barrier that prevents reconciliation. We may smile and say all the right things to the other person, but our vibrations will reveal our true feelings. There is little honesty, trust, or goodwill in such a relationship, and forgiveness or reconciliation would be impossible.
In addition to empathy, adopting a little humility and reflecting on our own emotions, biases, and motivations helps us understand our role in the conflict and acknowledge any mistakes or misunderstandings on our part. This kind of self-awareness is crucial for approaching reconciliation with an open mind.
The most powerful tool for reconciliation is Rajyoga meditation. The first step of Rajyoga is recognition of the fact that we are souls, children of God. It brings us the realisation that all of humanity is one spiritual family. When we start living with the awareness of being a soul, the soul’s innate qualities of peace, love, purity, and truth begin to inform our thoughts and behaviour. Then seeing others also as souls helps us connect with them on the basis of these virtues, which are common to all souls. The most important step is to remember God, our Father. This creates a loving mental link through which we can draw His powers and virtues into ourselves. As the soul fills up with purity, peace, and love, it is healed. Feelings of inadequacy, hurt, sorrow from painful memories, are all dissolved by the sense of self-worth, security, confidence, and the consequent joy created by God’s unconditional love.
When the soul becomes whole and fulfilled in this manner, forgiveness and reconciliation come naturally to it, without any intellectual effort or emotional pressure. It recognises the wisdom of leaving the painful past behind and living a new life of peace and happiness.
B.K. Atam Prakash is a Rajyoga teacher at the Brahma Kumaris headquarters in Mount Abu, Rajasthan.
