Emotional resilience is how an individual chooses to think and feel in difficult situations.
The feelings that arise in those situations shape our attitude, our vision and our awareness. Consequently, that attitude affects the way we deal with what is happening and the subsequent emotional consequences. Emotional resilience is when a person is able to tell the truth about their feelings and to be honest about what they are feeling.
Emotional stress is when a person is under the pressure of an unexpressed feeling. If we explore the truth of our feelings, we return to what is original and true.
The more honest a person is, the more resilient he becomes. Dealing honestly with life’s problems is not just looking and understanding the events as they occur, but also taking feelings into consideration. Truth is powerful but is not always easy to uncover. We need courage to find the deeper aspects of our feelings as they emerge. The power to face something with courage is fundamental to the power of truth. When you face your feelings, you are open and emotionally free – there’s nothing to hide and you are stronger than you think. You are then able to take responsibility for the part you played.
The liberating benefits received from looking within with clarity, accepting what is discovered, and owning those feelings include, peace of mind, a sense of well-being, acceptance of the self, openness and emotional freedom with nothing to hide, a deepening trust of the self, despite mistakes, and a deepening belief in the self, despite any failures.
The ability to be truly honest with the self powerfully shapes our life. Accessing the power of the soul, the spiritual being within, is the way to heal any emotional scars. In using this power inside, we become agents to sort out the distortions of our feelings and to discover what lies beneath them. When we face our feelings, we learn what they mean. And as we grow spiritually and become wiser, we learn how we distort the truth and how to be honest.
Fear is a huge obstacle to building emotional resilience and it weakens us. Perhaps we are afraid of starting over, after losing a significant other. Or the fear of admitting that I was wrong, foolish, or arrogant. Maybe we are afraid of public embarrassment, or of admitting that we have made mistakes. Perhaps we are afraid of admitting that we are hurt, not loved, or that someone used or abused us.
What role does spirituality play in building emotional resilience? Our spiritual practice provides us with strength and creative freedom to work through the blockages caused by distorted feelings. It offers us powerful inner resources to lean on to ground ourselves in an inner reality of authenticity and truth. The spiritual resources can be prayer, meditation, contemplation, reading uplifting and sacred texts, going on spiritual retreats. However, spiritual practices should never be used as a way of bypassing or repressing emotional responses.
The spiritual approach is a healing process that transforms through transparency. This healing process lives within you. Turning inside and accessing our real self, the soul, for guidance, for hope, for comfort, for spiritual sustenance is crucial as a first step to emotional resilience. Being conversant with the true self and learning to express one’s feelings honestly is the method of a healing process. It is also important to understand our desires, needs, and self-doubts that lead us to distort the truth.
Connection with the Divine Source is a higher step, and it gives us the wisdom and spiritual skills to grow; to be creatively free to see new realities for ourselves. Connection with the Divine Source supports life and finds meaning, even in the darkest night of the soul. Connection with the Divine helps us to store greater reserves of resilience that will allow us to cope when hard times come. There is a simple optimism inherent in way one can explore the truth; in relation to emotional resilience. In exploring our feelings, we return to what is original and true in us – a dignified purpose and worth of life.
Steps we can take to start this journey of self-understanding and thence emotional resilience:
Start a self-inquiry journal: Capture ways that you coped with the daily hurdles of life. What worked differently for you today?
Power in the pause: Connect to the power of truth within the soul and access it regularly when you find yourself drifting from what is authentic and real.
Be aware: Think your thoughts and feel your feelings – think clearly and feel honestly. Check for distorted feelings of the past standing in the way of new opportunities and change them. Check for the thoughts that hold on to images of hurt and anger and transform them.
Trust yourself in relationships: Avoid self-deception and maintain a hopeful outlook. Avoid expectations, desires, needs, and make an effort to be independent of these through acceptance and understanding of their limitations and less dependency on them.
Commit to a daily spiritual practice: Foster wellness by taking care of your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being. Eat well, stay physically active, and avoid unhealthy coping mechanisms. Use the spiritual resources available to you.
Connect to the Divine Source: Fill the self with the subtle light that gives strength and support to clear distortions, and reinstate the clarity. This is a powerful form of resilience and of building inner capacity and resilience.
Gayatri Naraine represents the Brahma Kumaris at the United Nations in New York.
