Self-condemnation (swa-ninda in Sanskrit) is a state that is linked to the emotions of guilt, shame, anger, regret, disappointment, and distress. It entails being reproachful of one’s behavior to the extent of despising it. It can happen because of indulging in a behavior that one does not approve of and upon reflection finds that it cannot be justified. It involves doing something contrary to one’s personality. It violates one’s value system and challenges the existing beliefs and attitudes about self. As a result of indulging in unaccepted behavior, one starts blaming oneself to the point of hate. In the process, the person also engages in “punishing” themself to atone for the wrongdoing. This can have deleterious effects on one’s mental and emotional health, and ability to socialize and even have an impact on physical well-being. Self-condemnation extends beyond simple guilt and is a more severe form of negativity.
A distinction needs to be made between self-criticism and self-condemnation. While criticism is associated with higher intellectual thinking and when one engages in self-criticism it is an excellent means for self-improvement. But if one beats oneself up because of self-criticism it can take the form of self-condemnation which is unhealthy. Self-criticism is directional where the purpose is one of movement toward perfection. Whereas self-condemnation is always negatively oriented and does not lend itself to pulling oneself up. Self-criticism is often confined to a point in time while self-condemnation is a repetitive cycle of indulging in the same thoughts again and again. Self-criticism is the food for intellectual growth while self-condemnation drains one out of energy. So, while it is healthy to periodically indulge in self-criticism one should abstain from self-condemnation.
To positively reframe self-condemnation, one must start with self-forgiveness and then encompass restoration of self-acceptance and building positive self-regard. Émile Coué de la Châtaigneraie (1857-1926), a French psychologist, popularized a method of self-improvement based on positive autosuggestions that has also been used in psychotherapy. The autosuggestions or optimistic “self-talk” is also a potent method to disable self-condemnation. One can repeat to oneself every day like mantras some autosuggestions consciously such as, “I am peaceful and content with myself,” “I am all accepting of myself,” I like myself,” “I am a good person,” “I forgive myself for any transgressions,” and such statements. Autosuggestions geared toward positivity are very potent means of disabling self-condemnation.
Another approach to positive reframing of self-condemnation is through Gestalt Therapy developed by Friedrich Salomon Perls (1893-1970), a German psychiatrist. The approach focuses on accepting what is rather than what should be or what ought to be or what could have been or what may be and so on. This way of thinking involves looking at the whole instead of the parts. It emphasizes self-awareness and focus on “now.’
Eastern philosophy presents another paradigm in positive reframing of self-condemnation by helping us delve into the true nature of self or Atm. If we associate ourselves with mere body consciousness, then that has its flaws, and we can never seek perfection with the body. Likewise, if we associate ourselves with mind consciousness then that too has its limitations, and we can never see a perfect mind. However, if we look at associating the true self beyond the body consciousness and mind consciousness as an all-pervading emptiness then the question of condemnation will not arise. If we can develop inner purity or shaucham and cleanse ourselves of raga or likings related to this body and mind and dvesha or dislikes related to the body and mind, then where is the condemnation of this body or mind?
Dr. Manoj Sharma is a Professor and Chair of the Department of Social and Behavioral Health at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, USA. He is an avid practitioner of Kundalini Yoga.