Selfishness (matsara or swartha) is an action in which one is concerned exclusively or overly with one’s profit, pleasure, or gain without regard for the welfare of others and often at the expense of others. Selflessness, on the other hand, is placing the welfare of others before one’s own. One cannot be completely selfless to the extent of neglecting one’s priorities or purpose in life. At the same time, one should not be completely selfish, so much so that one completely neglects the needs and wants of others in fulfilling one’s objectives. What is needed is a happy balance between selfishness and selflessness.
The greater emphasis on individualism in our society has inflated the importance of the self, characterized by only body consciousness or mind consciousness. The advancements in science and technology have reached a high point where we have mistakenly started assuming that everything that we are doing because of the gadgets that we have access to is being done in an instant by us. However, we must understand that we live in an interdependent world, and no one can claim that he or she can live or survive in this world without the help of others.
Daniel Goleman (1946-present), author of the books Emotional Intelligence and Social Intelligence, writes, “Self-absorption in all its forms kills empathy, let alone compassion. When we focus on ourselves, our world contracts as our problems and preoccupations loom large. But when we focus on others, our world expands. Our own problems drift to the periphery of the mind and so seem smaller, and we increase our capacity for connection – or compassionate action.” This type of perspective that considers the welfare of others in our thinking helps us overcome the focus on just ourselves, our needs, our aspirations, our shortcomings, our problems, and our stressors. We can look at the problems, needs, and aspirations of others as well and in that way sometimes we realize how trivial our own pursuits are. Focusing on others helps lessen the burden on our minds. It often provides one with a greater sense of joy to be able to give to others, to be able to help them, to be able to accommodate their needs and to be able to benefit others. You would have experienced that putting a smile on someone else’s face is always more gratifying than trying to obtain self-gratification. It is the highest form of human accomplishment.
If a spouse looks after the welfare of another spouse, automatically the needs of both partners are fulfilled. If a parent looks after the welfare of the child and the child reciprocates with love, the needs of the family are automatically fulfilled. If an employee looks after the welfare of the supervisor or leader of the organization and that leader looks at the welfare of the employee, both parties are contented, and no force can stop the growth of such an organization. The problem arises when we become self-centered and think that our needs take precedence over the needs of others and that there is no need for us to consult them, get their viewpoints or their input, look after their welfare, and that the only thing that matters is the single-pointed pursuit of our goals. Such single-track functioning is happening in families, at the workplace, and among nations and that is responsible for growing discontent between people, growing incidence of breaking of relationships, disharmony, and conflicts. This cycle can be broken by looking at striking a balance between our needs and those of others around us.
Dr. Manoj Sharma is a Professor and Chair of the Department of Social and Behavioral Health at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, USA. He is an avid practitioner of Kundalini Yoga.