There is a move to rename India as Bharat. But as a prelude to this, Indians should shun the habit of being overly self-critical (of course, we do need to get rid of some bad traits and in our heart of hearts we are aware of them). Take pride in the Brand Desi and also promote it all over the world so as to enhance our soft power. So, avoid giving ‘kacha khaa jaane wali’ look to someone who is making slurping sounds while sipping tea.

Even a brief stay in a foreign country may infect us with foreign accent, crowd phobia and firangi etiquette. Don’t provide free entertainment to onlookers by opting to eat a samosa with a fork and knife. The morsel can become a projectile and may land on the plate of your date. It may even enter her mouth which just got opened to convey her ‘falling in love’. And one’s rating may fall from a high- as rapidly as a skydiver.
Whenever Indians meet a relative or a good friend, they don’t converse about the weather- that is the British way of knocking the door of talking. To convey your relationship as ‘jigri dost’ or ‘sachi saheli’, one often begins with- you are looking thinner (a person with a small frame can also be referred to as ‘weak’). To make the comment weighty, one can add, ‘You don’t need to diet. Rather, you should eat as if there is no tomorrow!’
If someone has put on weight, ‘sugar coat’ the comment by saying- you are looking ‘healthier’. Other notable adjectives include- radiant, tired, younger, saggy, uplifted, sad, cheerful etc. Commenting on someone’s dress or perfume is less impactful. The term ‘body shaming’ has come into vogue only recently. Indians have been doing socially sanctioned body shaming since time immemorial.

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Privacy is a Western concept. Desis are expected to poke noses into each-others’ internal affairs. Whenever someone comes out of the polling booth after casting the ‘secret ballot’, a common query is, ‘Whom did you vote for?’
In our country, most of the family secrets get metamorphosed into family tales. They can even be revealed by co-passengers who get familiar during a long-distance train journey. A few months ago, a client consulted me for the first time regarding the premature wrinkling on her face. I asked her if there was any pre-disposing factor. Pat came the reply, ‘It is my husband. When I was young, I was so pretty that many men were after me. But my judgement got clouded and I chose him. Probably I was destined to be with this irritating specimen.’

In fact, in most of our conversations, we end up gossiping about relatives and friends. There is always a person with a ‘marked deviation from the mean’ personality about whom one can talk for hours or even more. Topics like the extent of the universe or the evolution of life are to be discussed only after downing a few drinks or if one is with an intellectual or a pseudo-intellectual. Political and religious discussions should be held only amongst like-minded individuals. Otherwise, good friends can develop thousand-year enmity- like that of ‘India-Pakistan’.
When in Desi-land, do as the Desis do!