Overthinking has become a habit with a large number of people. How do we change it? We know the answers: see the good in others, not their faults; remain happy; do not speak ill of anyone; accept others as they are.
We need to practice just one of these to be free from overthinking. That is because they are all interconnected—start one practice and the others will naturally follow. For example, if we focus on the good qualities of other people and ignore their shortcomings, our mind will remain clean. When we do not see and think about anyone’s defects, the mind will not be coloured, or stained, by them. It is negative thoughts that cause overthinking. When we do not see other people’s weaknesses, there will be no reason to be angry, critical or judgmental about them. Acceptance will become easy, and we will have good wishes for them. When everything is good and positive, there will be nothing to forgive or forget. All these corollary benefits accrue from focusing on the good in others. We can start with one practice that we find easy and the others will follow without any extra effort on our part.
But how do we not see defects in others when they are clearly visible? The eyes see everything—the flaws of those we live and work with, and, through the phone and the television, the mistakes people across the world are making. None of that, however, should taint the mind and pollute our thoughts and feelings.
We can do an experiment —choose one conspicuous weakness in one person. Suppose someone you work with is unreliable and dishonest. You know they are like that but you have to work with them. It is one thing to know their defect and figure out a way to deal with them, but quite another to keep thinking about it —“What a dodgy character”, “He keeps lying….”
It is the nature of the human mind that negative thoughts cause overthinking. When we dwell on someone’s good qualities, the mind remains calm and there are few thoughts. But think about something you do not like in someone and there will be a long train of thoughts. That changes our perception and attitude towards them.
The more we think about another’s faults, the more negativity accumulates in the mind, and that depletes the soul’s power. The negative thoughts and feelings are reinforced when they are expressed in speech and behaviour. As the soul becomes weaker, overthinking and stress increase, irritation and jealousy are experienced more often. Imagine the harm we do to ourselves. The defect is someone else’s, but by repeatedly thinking about it we poison our mind, behaviour and personality and become weaker.
We are also not helping the other person by sending them unfriendly vibrations. The vibes will certainly not strengthen them, but instead make them weaker and prone to making more mistakes. Then we complain that the other person is getting worse, unaware of our role in bringing that about.
The solution is to have positive thoughts and send like vibrations. If someone is habitually careless, we can create the thought that they are responsible and accurate in their work, and see them with this positive attitude. The thought is not true at that point of time, but when sustained it will do wonders. First, it will protect us from negativity. Then it will send good vibes to the other person, giving them the energy and courage to get over their weakness. When people in a family or organisation create such supportive thoughts instead of focusing on others’ defects, they really bless each other, and the energy of blessings can uplift people and transform situations. The choice is ours: do we want to see defects and become weaker, or think and see only good in order to empower the self and others?
B.K. Shivani is a well-known motivational speaker and Rajyoga teacher.