A Harvard second-generation study examined the intergenerational factors that contribute to healthy ageing and life. Dr Robert Waldinger, in this study, concluded, “Good relations don’t just protect our body, but also our brains”.
The journey of life is all about relationships. There are different levels of relationships that one shares and experiences throughout the day. They include the relationship with the self, with the family, at the professional level, and with God. It is quite evident that relationships are often a bumpy ride for most of us at all levels. The bumps experienced are a mix of pain and pleasure, joy and sorrow, love and hatred, happiness and sadness, success and failure.
Here are some simple insights that are important for making our relationships healthy and comforting.
PERCEPTION IS EVERYTHING
It is common to see people responding differently to the same situation. Inner strength, endurance, and understanding are what determine our response. In fact, when we are unable to realize this, we experience pain because of other people. When we change the way we look at people, the people we look at change!
CATASTROPHIC THINKING IS HARMFUL
We never die of the snake bite. Once we are bitten, we cannot be ‘unbitten’. It is the poison that spreads after that which is toxic. Similarly, analysing and judging people and their behaviour destroys our inner peace and brings pain. Every person and situation comes with a wrapped gift; a lesson; our duty is to unwrap it and learn. Inculcating these two practices is helpful: Immunity and flexibility. Immunity to negativity (not absorbing negative words, behaviour and actions) and flexibility (in adjusting to situations while maintaining humility).
ACCEPTANCE AND APPRECIATION CREATE MAGIC
When people and relationships are going through difficult times, I choose to understand, empathise and accept them. Withholding criticism and undesirable statements is very helpful. When we appreciate someone for little things, we increase their value and this nurtures relationships. If we want to cure our relationships, we need to guard our thoughts and words carefully.
ARE WE SEEING LIFE IN A MIRROR OR THROUGH A WINDOW?
We often look at life through our own personal acquired filters, our own past experiences, beliefs, and paradigms. In this process, we lose the objective reality and start analysing people and situations according to our comfort zone. This is unhealthy for relationships. Let us practice seeing life through a window, as it is!
ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS
Doing small things with great love is what heals relationships. We can have the best intentions in the world, but our lives are measured by our actions. If you mean well but do not do well, no one can read your mind. At the end of the day, what counts is what we do.
COMPASSION FACILITATES OPEN COMMUNICATION
It enables us to view others’ perspective, position and circumstances with kindness. Any situation can be handled with gentleness, avoiding any form of conflict.
PURE VIBRATIONS CAN CREATE MAGIC
When nothing else works, silence in the mind, purity and love in thoughts can do wonders. Our thoughts have the power to reach every person at whom they are directed. Practising a few minutes of meditation is the best way to empower our thoughts.
Genial, fulfilling and connected relationships are nothing more than mental habits. They just need sustained effort and nurturing.
Dr Mohit D. Gupta is Professor of Cardiology at the GB Pant Institute of Postgraduate Medical Education and Research, New Delhi.