Shrekking and Monkey-barring reveal how Gen Z navigates modern dating, often with toxic consequences. (Image Source: Unsplash)
If you thought ghosting and breadcrumbing were the peak of messy dating slang, Gen Z has moved the goalposts. Today, dating comes with new terms: Shrekking and Monkey-barring. These are not about memes or fitness. Instead, they describe how young adults navigate relationships today while experts warn these trends are toxic, reflecting deeper insecurities and understanding them helps recognize the pitfalls and maintain healthier connections.
Shrekking sounds funny but hides a toxic pattern and Neha Parashar, Senior Clinical Psychologist at Cadabam's Mindtalk, explains, “Think of Shrekking as dating down on purpose.” In this, people choose partners they see as less attractive or lower status to avoid heartbreak. However, rejection still happens. People get “Shrekked” because attraction and kindness do not follow a predictable formula.
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Shivam, an emotional intelligence coach, adds, “Shrekking is toxic because you only think about yourself. You ignore the other person’s feelings and focus on your excitement.” Essentially, Shrekking treats partners as risk shields rather than humans. It leads to resentment, unequal footing, and a sense that someone is a backup plan.
Monkey-barring mirrors how children or monkeys swing from one bar to another without letting go. In dating, it means not ending one relationship until you emotionally connect with someone else. Priyanka Kapoor, Counselor and Psychotherapist, says, “Monkey-barring is emotional cheating. You connect with another person while still dating someone.”
Experts highlight that it splits attention and empathy. Parashar notes, “Monkey-barring avoids being single. It relies on secrecy and denies honest consent.” It causes emotional harm and prevents couples from resolving their issues genuinely.
Gen Z popularizes micro-labels to explain dating patterns quickly while TikTok and Instagram make terms viral. Experts say dating app overload, swipe fatigue, and the pressure to always be partnered make Shrekking and Monkey-barring tempting. Shivam notes, “People have too many options. They get tired of it.” Alma Chopra, Motivational Speaker, says, “Situationships replace commitment. Young adults focus on convenience rather than building lasting bonds.”
Experts confirm a rise in toxic dating. Chopra explains that structure-free dating increases confusion and lowers accountability. Priyanka adds, “Cultural pressure makes people date even toxic partners.” Parashar points out that rejection sensitivity, fear of being single, and low self-esteem encourage hedging behaviors like Shrekking and Monkey-barring. Dating apps increase choices but also uncertainty, making these strategies common.
Experts recommend self-awareness first. Admit the mess you are in. End previous relationships respectfully before starting new ones. Emotional maturity and kindness matter more than looks or status. Reduce endless app-scrolling and focus on quality. Communicate directly and early to prevent game-playing.
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Shrekking and Monkey-barring may seem like fun trends. But they reflect insecurity and avoidance in modern dating. The antidote is honesty, respect, and emotional responsibility.
