The season of giving and gifting is upon us. It is also a time for introspection. Giving and receiving gifts can tell us a lot about ourselves.
Whenever we give something to someone, does that become theirs or remain ours? Some of us are most concerned about how the person is using a gift we have given to them. Often, we are concerned whether someone liked the gift we gave them or not. “Hope you liked my gift,” you’ll say, little realising, you still call it yours! This often happens with clothes, accessories and trinkets. There are people who might even keep looking out for when you wear what they have gifted you!
How you respond to someone’s gift can be a marker for such people to reassure themselves of your love and appreciation for them.
And then, there are some who don’t remove the price label on the gift! Accidentally maybe, but sometimes, to let us know how much they’ve spent! However, frank friends might intentionally share the bill with the gift, saying that you can exchange the item if you don’t like it. Pretty convenient, actually. Today, many people understand that gifts are a personal choice, and give gift vouchers.
Gifts to be given away have a special place in our homes.
You want to get rid of something, but it is a bit too expensive to be thrown out, maybe some corporate gift, and so it goes, gift-wrapped and ready, into an ever-growing hoard of unusable stuff! You might put a mental value on such gifted items despite them being useless to you. The gift must be ‘re-gifted’ based on the status of the hapless target! Funnily, it rarely leaves the hoard! Have you noticed that the longer such gifts remain in your hoard, the lesser you value them?
One can make out when a gift is given without love and sentiment. Some people will bring a gift out of compulsion, since it is considered the done thing. People end up bringing flowers or a bottle of wine without a second thought when they go to someone’s house for a meal. Sometimes, an adventurous wine bottle might land back at your house after changing a few hands!
This is sometimes the case with Diwali and Christmas gifts too. You got something you didn’t like and soon it begins its travels through dinner parties, all the year round- sometimes in the original wrapping paper!
Then there are some who just can’t stop talking about how much effort they made to find something special for you! Maybe you don’t really like the gift, but you cannot say that, and have to act really excited and appreciative. In some cultures, eagerly ripping the wrapping off and showing excitement upon seeing the gift is expected behaviour upon receiving a gift. Whatever the norm, we must always respond with grace and acceptance.
Sadly, there are some pretty blunt and unappreciative people, who refuse a gift outright. They think it is better not to accept a gift they have no use for. This can end up hurting the one who has brought the gift. However, we can certainly refuse a gift from some devious person who has vested interests, or is relatively unknown. But, we must learn to do this politely and skillfully.
And then, there are some, who will give us gifts and decide to take them back after some misunderstanding. This often happens amongst lovers who break up and want to hurt their ex in some way because they have been hurt themselves.
We need to examine what goes on in our minds when we bring gifts for someone. Do we really give that gift, or do we just ‘park’ it with the person who we are giving it to, believing that we still own it in some strange, twisted way?
The sentiment behind gifting is very important. A bit of us always goes with our gifts. Always send out love with the gifts you give.
Deepam Chatterjee is the author of The Millennial Yogi. He can be contacted on deepamchatterjee@yahoo.co.in