There is a metaphor that beautifully encapsulates the essence of detachment. It is a tree, in autumn. The tree gracefully releases all the leaves and lets them fall to the ground. It holds an inner wisdom that for new things to blossom, old things, that no longer serve, must be let go. How many of us are so aligned with the laws of nature and the laws of spirituality? Am I watching the seasons of my life change and flow with the changes and new opportunities, or am I stuck – in old ideas, my way of seeing life, my entrenched position and old opinions? Our lives are like books and each day is a clean page for writing something new, thinking something new, doing something differently.
Do we really understand deep down that nothing is permanent – everything changes? And, when it comes to love, do we love the other and give them freedom to grow or do we set limits, erect boundaries, demand that our needs be fulfilled? Do we interfere in their lives, giving unwanted and unasked for advice?
Real love is giving the other respect, appreciation, and above all, freedom. This requires a loving detachment, and it requires us to love this detachment, so that we can enjoy giving love and support to those around us, appreciate them, give them positive feedback, and cherish the fact that they are in our lives, for one reason or another.
There are five ways to loosen the ties of attachment.
Accept others as they are; do not try to change them. Allow them to be who they are and fulfil their potential.
Acknowledge what you are feeling and the feelings of others, without judgement.
Adapt and be flexible in how you communicate. Be open to changes in relationships and forget the past, your own and that of others.
Allow people to be themselves – give them space to grow.
Appreciate and express the appreciation – do not just think it, say it.
When we love in this way, it can encompass the whole of humanity and go beyond limitations, because this is spiritual love. This kind of love, combined with detachment, only comes through meditation and understanding, that each one is my brother or my sister, we are in the world together, experiencing it together. To cultivate this attitude of being loving and yet at the same time being detached we can:
Stay present. Let go of past worries and concerns about the future, connect with now.
Accept change and not cling on to the false stability of laziness and fear.
Be kind to ourselves so that we can develop.
Be generous and serve others with an open heart – this gives them a new vision of themselves.
Understand – first ourself and then others.
Be grateful – cultivate an attitude of gratitude, there is so much to be grateful for.
Become aware of our spiritual identity. I am not a body, I am a soul – a living, conscient energy. I am eternal and can never die. I take care of the body with gratitude, but detach from identifying with it.
Practise meditation and a connection with the Divine. Connect with the Being who is never a human being. The Supreme Being is always there, and in silence, in meditation, absorb the light and power of that One. Being connected in this way brings a natural detachment from all things and all beings, but with the ability to bestow deep spiritual love on them all.
Enrique Simó is an executive coach and coordinates the activities of the Brahma Kumaris’ Spanish headquarters in Madrid.