Talking helps! Often, we have felt a huge sense of relief after confiding in a close friend or family member about our struggles. We feel safe to express our emotions openly. We feel heard and understood. We also find ourselves being open to listening, accepting and negotiating a way forward based on these interactions.
Having often experienced this cathartic process when it comes to seeking professional expertise for similar support, we hold back. Why?
The prevalent and obvious answer is the stigma associated with mental health. We fear being judged or ridiculed. We fear that others might think we’re crazy, there’s something wrong with us or we need to be fixed. Although times have changed and perceptions are slowly evolving, people still assume it’s a shameful process. Yet they agree that it’s normal to face emotional distress, turmoil, and uncertainty. It’s also normal to feel incapable of understanding what is happening, how to deal with it or find a way out.
Talk therapy is what mental health professionals use to communicate with clients and it’s open to anyone, regardless of the issue they’re facing. These can be relationship issues, work conflicts, grief and loss, the impact of medical illness, gender roles, sexuality, anxiety and depression, trauma-related disorders, sexual abuse amongst others. Therapy may be conducted in an individual, family, couple, or group setting. Depending on individual needs, the intensity of the difficulty being dealt with therapy can be short-term or long-term and may be used in combination with medication.
When faced with intense emotional distress our coping strategies fail and we’re unable to function effectively. In these moments, self-talk or talking to friends and family don’t help as these conversations can lack objectivity without a clear understanding or outcome. Much of our mental well-being is influenced by childhood experiences, belief systems and inappropriate repetitive messages or thoughts that one is unaware of. It prevents identifying and accessing the real underlying issue, like unresolved grief or conflict with a significant other. Often we fail to see our role or the impact of our behaviour patterns on fostering this distress. Inability to admit that something sad or extremely painful happened can also lead to denial. It’s a defence mechanism to protect ourselves from childhood sexual abuse, severe physical abuse or harm. Without this understanding, it is difficult to have clarity or take on the responsibility to change. It leaves us feeling unheard, unsupported and unappreciated, vulnerable and miserable.
A therapist is best placed to help identify the key underlying issues, provide clarity and perspective, and help us understand how daily stressors affect our life, relationships and work. They provide a safe and non-judgemental space to help sift through past hurts and negative events making us aware of how we use denial to avoid painful feelings. Their support helps develop strategies and solutions that can effectively decrease the severity of the symptoms and increase well-being. Although we develop coping strategies from an early age, often the same strategies don’t work as we grow older. Isolation and social withdrawal tend to make our problems worse. Talking with a therapist supports the notion that we’re not alone, we don’t always need to be strong and can ask for help.
To do this, therapists use different approaches. Some aim to reduce or eliminate self-destructive and unhealthy behaviours, some focus on how we think and address the unconscious meanings and motivations of our feelings, thoughts, and behaviours. They either specialise in a particular style of therapy or use a combination of different approaches, including the creative arts and play.
The effectiveness of talk therapy depends on one’s willingness, to be honest about their feelings and open-mindedness about sharing them. It can be accompanied by crying and angry outbursts leaving them feeling physically and mentally exhausted after a session. Many long-term risks can be mitigated by learning healthy ways to express emotions and relate to others and improve communication. It helps to redefine and re-establish boundaries with others and take responsibility to change the disruptive behaviour.
The client-therapist relationship is a mutually dynamic and collaborative effort. Confidentiality is a basic requirement along with patience, communication and trust. Therapists don’t advise or tell the client what to do. Most often they simply nudge them in the direction they need to go. Simultaneously, clients also have the responsibility and flexibility to change a therapist if they feel the process isn’t working.
Talk therapy is a form of self-care. Just like we visit a doctor when we’ve caught a cold and seek a financial advisor to help with our finances, it’s necessary to visit a mental health professional when we’re faced with emotional distress and difficulty. Normalising this process can help the many who continue to struggle and battle with their inner demons from fear of being seen as ‘different’.
The writer is a mental health counsellor.