It is totally normal to be in love and wear those rose-coloured glasses, be swept off your feet to dizzying heights but those glasses should not be blinders that keep you from seeing things that are not healthy. They are red flags, warning signs that you need to consider to stay safe and happy.
HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP
Mutual respect: Respect in a relationship means that each person values the other and understands and would never challenge the other person’s boundaries. S/he listens when you indicate you are not comfortable doing something or going somewhere. Kindness and compassion are important aspects of respect.
Trust: You are talking to another person and your partner walks by. Does s/he completely lose their cool, suspect you of cheating. Jealousy if fine but you need to be aware of how your partner reacts to it. Trust is very important for a healthy relationship.
Honesty: This goes hand-in-hand with trust because it’s tough to trust someone when one of you isn’t being honest.
Support: Your partner should be there not just in your bad times but also to celebrate with you in your good times. Support should be there all times.
Fairness/equality: It should not be that only one person has their way. It needs to be a mutual give and take not a power struggle with one person getting their way.
Separate identities: In a healthy relationship, everyone needs to make compromises. But that doesn’t mean you should feel like you’re losing out on being yourself. Both of you should feel free to keep developing new talents or interests, making new friends, and moving forward.
Good communication: It means that you are able to express your feelings openly to your partner without any fear.
WARNING SIGNS
1. A relationship is unhealthy when it involves mean, disrespectful, controlling, or abusive behaviour be it physical, mental, or emotional.
2. Verbal insults, mean language, nasty putdowns, getting physical by hitting or slapping, or forcing into sexual activity, is a sign of verbal, emotional, or physical abuse.
• Your partner gets angry when you don’t drop everything for them
• Criticizes the way you look or dress and puts you down.
• Keeps you from seeing friends or from talking to other people.
• Wants you to quit an activity, even though you love it.
• Tries to force you to go further sexually more than you want to.
• Tries to force you to do drugs, or other such activities.
• Your partner is trying to control you, make you feel bad about yourself, isolate you from the rest of your world, or harm you physically or sexually, then it›s time to get out, immediately.
Let a trusted friend or family member know what›s going on and make sure you›re safe. It can be tempting to make excuses or misinterpret violence, possessiveness, or anger as an expression of love. But even if you know that the person hurting you loves you, it is not healthy. No one deserves to be hit, shoved, or forced into anything they don›t want to do.
Seek professional help if need be.
Dr Chavi Bhargava Sharma is the founder and CEO of Indic Center for Psychological Wellness and Holistic Health and Conversationalists-Talking Cures.
