We often find ourselves confused and conflicted, some more than others. We tend to suffer from self doubt, low self-esteem or a cloudy mind. While dealing with difficult situations or people, we experience physical, mental and emotional turbulences. Many times, we also find ourselves feeling low on energy and sometimes slip into our own inner mess. People absorb all sorts of energies from us, and may absorb negative energies from those we interact with.This is often associated with the dip in energy levels we experience sometimes.
It is becoming increasingly important for us to sort out our inner self and remain in touch with our emotional core and keep it strong. This requires a lot of cleansing and evaluation. One has to remove any resentment, guilt, hatred and jealousy – these act like toxins for our emotions. Holding a grudge against someone is equivalent to letting them live rent-free in your head. Healing begins only when these toxins are released, so it can then be replaced by love and forgiveness.
Forgiveness is a skill that can be learned and developed. It is an emotional process that allows you to heal yourself by releasing negative thoughts and feelings. It is not about who you forgive, but about releasing the negativity/toxins that remains within you. Forgiveness is key to selfhealing. It is, therefore, very important to be on a path where you are connected to your spiritual core.
All of us make mistakes and have hurt somebody in our lives, knowingly or unknowingly. Our words and actions may impact someone negatively without our knowledge or intent. Our misplaced sense of humor may embarrass or insult someone. Similarly, someone else might have impacted you negatively, unaware of the impact it can have on your emotions. Simply by being aware of this in a tough situation, you can reduce the imprint of emotions of hurt, anger etc. This is the first step towards forgiveness. According to the American Psychological Association, “forgiveness is the mental or spiritual process of ceasing to feel resentment or anger against another person for a perceived offense, difference or mistake or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution.”
Forgiveness is the first spiritual practice to help us move forward and attain a clutter-free life. It is the process of letting go of your desire to get even with the person who has hurt you. It is about confronting the past and enabling ourselves to move on and detach from past experiences and emotions.
On the surface, it seems like it is very difficult to forgive some people, but the process is simple enough. It is a choice, wish and power to forgive and with introspection and active practice of this skill, you can forgive the gravest of sins or sinners.
You can forgive someone and yet not want anything to do with them with the understanding that forgiveness is for past reconciliation and not for future consideration. You don’t need to reconcile with the person who has hurt you. You are doing it for your happiness, peace and growth. Forgiveness is about reclaiming your power and freeing your mind from the toxic emotion that trapped you with bitterness and hatred. Train yourself with the right techniques to forgive and experience more freedom and peace.
Why you should forgive
It sets you free. Many people are suffering from physical, mental, and emotional illness because of their inability to let go. According to the Harvard Medical School, not forgiving can impact both the physical and mental health of a person. Studies have further shown that forgiveness can reduce anxiety and depression.
Your pain, humiliation, and/or embarrasment is real, but you can choose to move forward, without any of these emotions. When you forgive, you no longer give the other person the authority to impact your life.
Forgiveness is life’s greatest teacher. We learn about ourselves, others and life through these tough situations. By learning to truly forgive, we are working towards our personal growth.
Forgiveness takes us out of the victim mentality, that we tend to have – we are pushed to the corner. Now, it is our choice to remain there or push forward in life. Once we choose to forgive, we empower ourselves.
Whom to forgive
1. You: Your younger self who might have made mistakes and would have hurt others including the parents, relatives and friends. We can be hard on ourselves. Forgiving yourself for these past experiences may be the hardest part of the healing process.
2. Parents: Growing up, we are most influenced by our parents. They shape a lot of who we are as people. In difficult times, we tend to blame our parents and our childhood.
Forgiving your parents will heal deep-rooted resistance, problems, and guilt that manifest in different forms in our lives today.
3. All others: People who have, consciously or unconsciously, caused you hurt or harm.
What happens when you find it difficult to forgive someone? Introspect and ask yourself, have I ever hurt anyone? Have I ever been forgiven by my parents, teachers, elders? You might have tested your body at some point in your life, by either indulging in unhealthy food, or over-strained it in an intense workout, however, your body forgave you and and healed itself. If you have been forgiven then it is essential to learn how to forgive.
In my experience, forgiveness leads to higher self-esteem and helps to establish spiritual connections which in turn fuels compassion and empathy within.
“Forgiveness is the powerful assertion that bad things will not ruin your today even though they might have spoiled your past.” – Fred Luskin, Forgive for Good
Forgiveness is a long journey but take the first step now. Always be connected to your heart and draw on a higher power that you believe in to take you through this process. Work with your internal core to lift the burden of pain, hurt, and anger. Be aware of your heart and why it hurts so much. When we realize that we can be forgiven, we can forgive others easily.
Being at peace with yourself is important. We all know grudges are unhealthy. Let us begin the first step by letting them go. The act of forgiveness is therapeutic and necessary for our physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing.
Dr Anita Chitkara has expertise in alternate therapies, is Reiki Grandmaster, Tarot Card reader, Counsellor and the Author. Visit www.dranitachitkara.com