“Forgiveness is to let go of resentment.”
When we are hurt by someone or a situation, it is as though something inside us breaks – just like a precious vase. How can we mend that hurt? We have a choice – we can either remain with the deep sorrow, which will continue to grow and become huge, or decide, then and there, that we will not take this any further along our journey. We may still feel the sorrow, but it will heal if we let go, and it will not grow any further. So how do we let go? How, in other words, do we release the other?
Firstly, we can have a deep conversation with the self. Spiritual knowledge and understanding are the foundation of this conversation. When we have understanding at a deep level, then we have the power to decide what to do and how to do it. We can understand what is lying behind the hurt. Sometimes, for example, the person who hurt us is not even aware of having done so. It is simply their way of being, and they do the same thing to others, because they lack understanding. So, do I want to keep this person in my heart forever in this way? If so, I will be trapped in the sorrow and bitterness. It is all a matter of choice.
Whatever someone has done will have repercussions. Our forgiveness does not release them from those consequences. We release them from the resentment and hurt we are feeling. If we harm someone and ask for forgiveness, if our wish is sincere and with the realisation of a true heart, then perhaps this will lessen the full potential of the outcome of our actions. However, we will have to face the residue of the consequences.
We must think two or three times before we say or do something that has the possibility of causing sorrow. If something needs to be said, truth and honesty are essential, but they have to be delivered with mercy and love. Anything can be said with love because no hurt will be caused. We should never take the law into our own hands. Whatever pain is caused will have repercussions. We do not need to concern ourselves with retribution or revenge, because that is not part of spirituality.
We must also remember that anyone who may have harmed us in the past is no longer the same person. If we meet them again today, then they will not be the same person, they will have lived through other experiences, they may have grown spiritually and changed.
So, we must not keep someone stuck in our old perception of them from the past. We must be open to give them a second chance. No one is perfect, and neither are we. We also make mistakes and cause sorrow and would like to be forgiven and given a second chance.
Of course, sometimes the person who hurts is not only very close to us, but they may need us in some way. Perhaps we work with them, or they are a close family member for whom we are responsible, so it is even more important to make the choice to forgive and let go, otherwise the relationship may be spoiled forever. This may seem difficult to do, but the choice is ours; to let go and give the person another opportunity to put things right, or hold on to the hurt.
However, sometimes it can be a bigger challenge to forgive the self. We can talk to ourselves and see what we can learn from a particular situation and how we could have done it differently. Learning now helps ensure it does not happen again. Once something has been said or done, it cannot be unsaid or undone. We must be our own best friend and get to know ourselves so that we understand what we must heal inside. Otherwise our own pain may be getting reflected in our actions and causing sorrow to others.
Meditation teaches us how to deeply understand the self, and how to change the things we need to change. It is only through meditation that we can have such deep clarity.
Mara Rita Gomes has a background in Education and Languages. She is the National Coordinator of the Brahma Kumaris activities in Portugal.