Jealousy (Irshya in Sanskrit) is an emotion that is also known as envy or covetousness which is common to almost all human beings. It’s often called as “the green-headed monster.” It is not a single emotion but consists of a complex of fear, anger, humiliation, feelings of loss of status, and nervousness. It can lead to disorders of clinical depression or anxiety. Jealousy has roots in growing competition in our society and lower levels of self-esteem which all of us encounter from time to time, especially when we compare ourselves to someone who is supposedly better than us.
Jealousy in family, among friends, and at the workplace is extremely detrimental to relationships. One sibling may blame the parents for favoring another child which may not be true as parents always try their best to give equal love to all their children. But it is the perception of one child that may be responsible for this jealousy. Then this jealousy can manifest in quarrels, breaks in communication, blaming games, and other such negativity. Such jealousy is also seen among relatives especially when someone is doing well in life compared to others. This may take the form of spoken disagreements or unspoken dissent. Friendship is also not immune to jealousy and can lead to the breaking of relationships. Jealousy is worse when it creeps into intimate relationships between spouses and is often at the root of divorces. Before the divorce, usually, another person enters the life of either the husband or the wife at work, a store, a gym, through social media, or other such venues, and then they start spending time together which initiates jealousy and insecurity. It grows into doubt, fear, and distrust. Which if not remediated becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy that ultimately leads to the culmination of the marriage. Workplace or professional jealousy is also a reality that all of us must face.
No two human beings can be the same and each one of us has a different journey on the planet. There is no need to compete with anyone else. If we mustcompete, we must compete with only ourselves. Where we were, what our aspirations are, where we are now, and where we want to go should guide us and not what other people are doing. There should be no comparison between two people. With such thinking there is no room for envy. Jealousy can be avoided, and no negative sequelae must be faced if we do not make comparisons with others. Furthermore, Rumi (1207-1273), a Persian Islamic scholar and Sufi mystic, has said that if we accept good in others then envy or jealousy becomes inspiration – what a great thought!
Another aspect related to jealousy is that some people purposely want to make others jealous of their accomplishments or possessions. They talk about their prized possessions in a manner such that it makes others also want them. This type of behavior also needs to be checked. If we are to maintain harmonyin our lives, we must neither compare ourselves with others to give room to jealousy nor should we allow others to compare themselves with us. We should imbibe the principle of high thinking and modest living in our disposition. We should not be overly concerned about our achievements and possessions – if they come our way well and good, and if they do not, we should still be content.
Dr. Manoj Sharma is a Professor and Chair of the Department of Social and Behavioral Health at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, USA. He is an avid practitioner of Kundalini Yoga.