What if we could become our own best friend, how different our lives would be? We would be so filled with love and support for ourselves, that all neediness would be gone, and instead we would have powerful and fulfilling relationships, based on true acceptance and appreciation.
What is it that a friendship offers us, as we go through life?
A friend finds time for me, makes time for me. (Do I do that for myself?)
A friend always notices when something is wrong. (Do I notice, or do I pretend there is nothing going on?)
A friend investigates more deeply if something is going on, not just accept the first casual response. (Do I delve more deeply into what I tell myself?)
A friend encourages me to be all I can be. (Do I do that, or do I fill myself with doubts and fear?)
A friend loves to bring something new to the relationship, go to new places, enjoy new ideas, break the routine. (Do I bring something new into my life from time to time?)
A friend can pull back from what is going on, detach from the emotion, and steer my thoughts into calmer waters. (Do I have the ability to detach and look at situations from different perspectives?)
All of us have a long, long story within us, a whole universe of experiences, accumulated through many lifetimes. Once we were powerful, completely full of all we needed, wise, benevolent, full of love. Now, as time has passed, our power has depleted and we feel needy, empty, and unfulfilled, and our relationships reflect this, as we try to take what we need, wherever we can. To be our own best friend we must first of all accept all that we are. We are powerful beings of light, that can never be destroyed. Once, we were amazing beings, walking the earth in total love and benevolence. We must also accept what we have now become, as we journeyed through our lifetimes. Accept that whatever we are displaying now is also a part of us, but we can slowly leave all the weaknesses behind as we begin to build this new relationship of friendship with the self.
There are different ways of building true friendship with the self. However, meditation is an essential way to heal the hurt and fill the soul, through a connection with the Supreme source of love and power. But here is a simple programme, that we can experiment with, and follow for just a week, to start to become my own best friend:
Adopt a new attitude: “I prefer my own friendship to that of others, I prefer the love I can have for myself, to the love of others”.
Anchor the image of the original self: As I wake and before I sleep; “I am a great and powerful being of light, a soul of great worth”, “I am here to be happy and spread happiness”, “I am here to spread light and bring light to the world, it is my only purpose”.
Have a daily conversation with the part of me that is holding pain and hurt: To the critical voice inside: “Look, you have been with me for a long time, now it is time to leave, let me be who I really am”, and with the part that is feeling sorrow: “It is ok now, do not worry anymore, everything is fine”.
Make 10 minutes a day just for the self: Do something I have never done before, have fun, try something new, go somewhere new. But do this on my own, not with anyone else.
‘Stop the wasteful thinking’ walk: Over many lifetimes we have developed addictions to negative, wasteful, and critical thinking. These habits emerge often, to derail our efforts to become full again. So, now whenever one kind of thinking habit that I no longer wish to have emerges, I must get up, and walk round the block, once or twice. It is a physical act of ‘leaving behind’ this kind of thinking. It works, even if I have to do it three or four times a day.
This little programme of just one week will help us to become a true friend to the self. If we combine it with daily meditation, new and beautiful habits are created for me to become full of all power and beauty once more.
Mathias Steffan is a headmaster, a stress and resilience coach, and a Brahma Kumaris Rajyoga teacher based in Zurich, Switzerland.