“In order to communicate clearly, the primary step is silence, that is, the ability to listen.” – Anthony Strano
Life is relationships, defined by the quality of our communication. In communicating authentically, and effectively, we do not just send the other a message, but we build, nurture, empower and nourish the relationship itself. How do I develop my “authenticity”, so that I am better able to communicate? How do I acquire the skills to enable positive, authentic communication? Authenticity starts from our inner world, where we set aside time and space to develop our innate qualities. We can begin with the following three areas:
The right attitude
Attitude is at the core of what we say and do. It is reflected back to us in our relationships. Our attitude can rub off on others. Attitude is born from our perceptions, thoughts and feelings, influenced by our memories, past experiences and beliefs. As an example of how thoughts create attitude, consider how the day will unfold if we wake up in the morning with the thought, of having to go to work.
This creates an attitude of resentment or reluctance, so what would relationships with others be like during the day? However, when we wake up with the thought of wanting to go to work, because we feel fortunate to have a job, or we like the work, then we will relate to others with enthusiasm. Our exchanges with others will be more positive, more energising and more productive.
Self-respect
Self-respect depends on knowing who I am – delving into my inner world, knowing that I am a pure, imperishable soul, full of all virtues, a being of light energy able to connect to the Supreme Soul. Knowing this as my real identity means that I will not align my identity superficially to the external aspects of gender, age, occupation, social status and the like. To do so sets me up to identify myself based on the opinion of others. Grounded in spiritual awareness, I develop my specialities and inner qualities. I value myself and self-esteem is the result. I value others and their uniqueness. From this position, I am also confident, loving, trustworthy, honest, open and able to generate positivity in thoughts, attitude and actions.
The art of listening
“We never listen when we are eager to speak.” – Francois de la Rochefoucauld
A powerful listener is able to be fully present and, in the moment, so that she/he understands the point of view of the other person, while focusing on the subtle tone, facial expressions, body language and context of the communication partner.
Listening at the deepest level requires a link of empathy: an attentive calm and openness that focuses the mind so that reality is grasped, and you understand what is being said. The authentic communicator recognises her/his intention to build relationships that reflect the virtues of, at least, an honest and open heart.
“I will speak sweetly. I will speak with love. I will speak less, and I will speak with honesty.” – Dadi Janki
Mariette Buckle is a Rajyoga teacher and a recently retired primary school teacher, based in the Yarra Valley, Victoria, Australia.