My friend’s daughter got married early this year. As is customary to invite for “first dinner” and “first lunches”, I decided to invite the newlyweds over home. Anisha stepped inside home in the finery of a new bride, wearing a beautiful saree, stunning jewellery, gushing with the same affection as she always displayed towards me, albeit a bit drained. Her husband Anubhav was courteous, polite and friendly. But I could sense an urge in Anisha wanting to speak with me in private.
When she came to me, I saw something I had not noticed initially. Why do you have under eye dark circles, I asked her? “He comes back late and so do I. I hardly get enough sleep in my busy schedule and moreover, being a woman, I have to get up before everyone else and make breakfast,” she confided. I was appalled by her three words- “Being a woman..” Even in 2024, this engineering graduate plus MBA is expected to do it all. What an unequal burden on our girls whom we educate as much as our boys and yet they have to manage home and work, with little support from others.
Is education, employment becoming a double-edged sword? While it empowers girls, it puts an added pressure on proving to be that “perfect woman” who can balance things, (read) handle the home without much support from her partner. Anubhav, like many men, may not fully understand the extent of Anisha’s burden and also perhaps wonder – “That’s the way it happens. What’s the big deal.”
Anisha’s story is not unique, but is a powerful reminder of the work that still needs to be done. As a society, we need to change the narrative. Today, every man should know how to cook the food for his family just as every woman needs to know how to manage finances. It can never happen overnight but parents must encourage their sons to participate in household chores and daughters to manage money, from a young age.
We need to challenge the stereotypical roles simply because they are out of sync with modern day reality. Even today, in majority of Indian homes, the trilogy of kaam, kitchen, kids or K3 as I call it, rests with the woman. He may do it if he is “kind” but the buck eventually stops with her.
Marriages in today’s day and age can only thrive if they are true partnerships, with shared responsibilities. Women don’t want equality, but equity.