The pain of rejection is a deeply held emotional disturbance. It is the profound sorrow that comes from feeling excluded, pushed out, sidelined, and not accepted. So, what is the best way to cope with those emotions invoked by rejection? What tools can we use?
Most people have experienced some form of rejection in their life. And how much of that feeling was real or imagined, due to some expectation and attachment of our own? Even if it was imagined, that does not take the pain away. No matter how insignificant, it still hurts and it niggles away in the mind and heart. Gradually that feeling starts to wear away trust and hope.
Over a lifetime we develop patterns of behaviour and belief systems. These become our programme for life, unless we choose to consciously rewrite the programme and overcome our fears of failure, hurt feelings, social rejection, and of not belonging. For this we need to find tools to help us deal with emotional pain. If we do not then we will fall victim to our own patterns of behaviour and our belief systems.
We are social beings and deep down we know we can only survive when we pull together. Therefore, it is very dangerous to see a breakdown in our social bonds, in our compassion and our humanity. Where there is no sense of social connection, ultimately this will lead to the downfall of all of us, because we have to live in community and co-operate with one another, to learn how to thrive and survive. As citizens of this planet, we have to learn to live and share together. History tells us that people who live as isolationists have only a limited future.
Spiritual practices can help us to overcome rejection
Self-acceptance and self-love are so important… Let me give these to myself even if others are not giving to me.
We need to work more on our self-respect… Knowing that I am wonderful, no matter what others think of me… that I am enough just as I am. In the eyes of God, the soul as a child of the Divine is perfect, even if the choices I make in life may not be so perfect.
Have a strong sense of personal purpose… When I am not invited to something, I am very often quite happy because it frees up my time and energy. What I do with me is just as important than what I do with others.
Understand that the universe is conspiring to help you… If I am not being picked for that team (yet), or for that role, or am not privy to some information, then the universe has my best interests at heart.
Positive self-talk… Others may reject me due to their own fears. That does not mean that I am any less. So let me not take that to heart or make it personal.
Being honest with the self, this is key… By remaining balanced and anchored in the true awareness of my spiritual nature, I am able to know my strengths and weaknesses.
Is there any truth in what people are showing me? Maybe I do have something that needs to change in me. After I have done some internal checking, to see if there is anything behind that specific rejection, then I can move on.
Having spiritual values in your life… This is of great help for me to alleviate the emotional pain and pressure of social rejection. Because spiritual values will help me to stand in my own power, not from a place of ego but from wisdom.
When we come to know ourselves really well, where we are not trapped in any temporary or physical identity, then we can go beyond rejection. If we can work with personal self-acceptance and not become upset by rejection, whether real or imagined, we are going to create a happy life. When we take things in the right way, we can see it as a free lesson in humility from the universe.
Aruna Ladva is an author and Rajyoga meditation teacher based at the Global Retreat Centre, Oxford, UK.
