The recent marriage of 60-year-old veteran actor Ashish Vidyarthi to 33-year-old Assamese entrepreneur and fashion designer Rupali Baruah is a reminder that love can truly knock at any age. The question that arises is, Why does love look pretty on an older man versus an older woman?
In spite of the increasing number of attractive, single, and equally successful women, it appears that for women, finding love in their sunset years is daunting and frowned upon, unlike how it is perceived for men. Society still judges a woman as being loose if she dares to seek companionship in her later years of life. Superstar Rekha still remains single and is constantly speculated about her relationship with the much-married Amitabh Bachchan. Actor Ashish Vidyarthi and Rupali Barua undoubtedly make a beautiful couple, twinning in white, in the marriage photos. But I dread to think how society would respond if Rupali was 60- year-old and dressed as a bride. Would she be able to face the criticism of an ageist society that refuses to accept an older woman and forces her to remain invisible forever?
There are many marriages in Bollywood where older men have found it easier to marry younger women after multiple failed marriages.
Saif Ali Khan is a shining example of an actor who manages to not elicit disgust among people for retrying again and again in the search of the happily ever after person. This would not be tolerated if a woman would constantly be in and out of marriages until she settled in with the right one.
India sadly has very few women who have had the gumption to pave the path and be open about finding love in their later years. But if we have more female stars who can influence change by normalising the quintessential need of every human being, irrespective of gender, to find their companion and live happily ever after, even in their 60s, 70s, and sometimes later too, the gender dynamics would definitely see a significant shift towards a more accepting and progressive society. But who will dare defy this patriarchy? This remains the eternal dilemma.
There is no shortage of older, single Indians. Many urban children today are opting to stay alone and not with their parents. This leaves a widow or widower vulnerable and lonely. But the stigma attached to the elderly getting married discourages them from finding love again. For women, it’s far harder.
According to the 2011 census data, almost 15 million elderly Indians live alone, and three quarters of them are women.
The rules still remain unequal, and few women who are interested in recoupling find it difficult to face their children and society, even if they secretly wish to have someone by their side. Therefore, it is imperative that in India, social icons and especially film stars who are single, older women understand the impact they can create with a positive attitude towards companionship and share that with the rest of the masses who look up to them.
India is a film-star-struck country, and the impact a star can create is immense.
Talking to 75-year-old Kusum, who is a widow, she said, I can’t imagine getting remarried, even though it is very lonely after the passing of my spouse. I won’t have the courage to say this to anyone. My children live abroad, but maybe they will disown me if I tell them I want to restart my life with another man again. They expect me to mourn till I live, and I have accepted that.
